May 25, 2016
I play the part of a kindergarten mentally challenged kid. I don't feel that way though, but perhaps it's the way the others perceive me. By comparison to the others I am the mentally challenged kid in class. I have short hair, like buzz cut to bald short, and am wearing a hat (think it might be a baseball cap but I'm not sure). At first, clear blue sky outside.
We all seem to be training for something. Some sort of apprenticeship program. Yes, there are other kids in the class. To them I'm like a foreigner, nobody knows really where I came from, they're curious about me. But at the same time, it's like they've never met a mentally challenged person before in their life, they seem so confused by my handicap, and why it makes me so slow in certain areas, as well as a savant in others. I'm ignorant, but there's room for
potential.
I seem to be rather popular so I feel no shame about my condition, at first. Prior to my first test the others are informed--or more like given a brief explanation--about me, and how I apparently have something of a shady past. Parental neglect, which I seem mostly unaware of, or downplay to others at least. But the teacher in charge (who's face I never do see) seems to find it more grim or concerning than even I do, and I'm the one who lived through it. Essentially though, this means that basically I'm starting from scratch. And I think that's what makes me mentally challenged in the dream, that I have no prior education and thus, am like a child without even the basic functions of a mind. My first test seems simple, to run a lap. Which I can't even do around the baseball diamond or playground, wherever it is we are outside. Even though I act on instinct, or assumption, one of the other kids informs me--
during the test--that I'm doing it wrong, and actually has to show me step by step how to run properly. It isn't until after the actual test that for the first time feel embarrassment and shame, regarding my condition. And yet, none of the others treat me that way, they seem to have forgotten all about it. But there's definitely a hint of sullen disposition in my voice when somebody asks me afterward how it went and I nod my head to the instructor--who I think is one of my fellow classmates--and saying very dryly and in a low voice, "I'll let
'em fill you in how I did."
I feel like I failed the test, even though I haven't been evaluated yet. I'm sweating, I don't know if it's from exhaustion, or just plain stress. Clouds are gathering, dark clouds. A storm. Everybody runs for cover. Yet I remain on the field. For some strange reason the clouds seem inviting to me. I actually
wanna get hit by lightning, which the clouds are definitely beginning to breed. One of the other kids yells at me, asking if I'm crazy. It isn't until he puts the thought in my head that I begin to question my decision. And I actually tremble a bit at the prospect of getting struck by lightning. The bolts just crack so loudly with such intimidating awe, it's hard 'not' to be scared by them. I really wanna get struck but chicken out at the last minute, coming in for cover.
Yet, for a moment there, when I was in the field, I felt as though I had this vague feeling I was
meant to get struck by lightning, like it was supposed to happen, almost like a second chance for something. I didn't write this down in my notes but I do remember there were two lightning strikes, followed by the third I experienced while seeking protection. There are more details to this dream but upon waking this is all that I could manage to jot down before the image faded. But there is one thing I managed to remember without a provided context to make sense of it...I simply wrote down the words,
the occult.
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